I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
