She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
