This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
