so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
