im drinking this country out of the recession.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
