Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize