I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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