i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
