I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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