so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
