If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
