Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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