talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
