She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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