I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
