Are we in a gay sports bar?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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