I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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