Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
