yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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