The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
