barbara walters just said penis...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
