I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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