I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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