I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We are all done wearing pants today
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
