Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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