If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
