He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
