I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
