is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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