i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
