sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
