I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
