the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
