please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
