There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
