Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
