Me. At least after what I've been through.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
how drunk are you?
Several
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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