Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
