I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
