totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
