'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
