I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
