You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
