evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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