Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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