I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
