I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
