Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
