who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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