too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
