I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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