i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
