i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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