How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
