and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will pee on everything he values.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
