I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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