I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
