how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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