4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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