Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
