He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
