I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
