Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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