so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
