look no pants
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
