I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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