guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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