The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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