Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
