You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
