Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
