Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
