she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize