i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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