I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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