Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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