On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
