exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
