Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
