I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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