he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
