it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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