The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize