good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
