I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
