I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
