let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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