When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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