so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
