just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
