last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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