my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
