i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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