My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
