Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
