so that wasnt chicken after all
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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