"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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